shifted to the new link => http://dedicationthree09.blogspot.com/
“You eat here, Dad!” instructed Rijwan, his son-in-law, moving the table to the balcony, “it’s nearer to your room and toilet.”
Darshini, his young granddaughter, asked innocently, “Grandpa, are you wearing your diapers?”
“You can fart as loud as you want here, granddad,” added Surya, his grandson, running round him and giggling loudly.
Amidst the sterile atmosphere (smell) at the hospital, a family was preparing to fetch home their grandfather. The old wheelchair rattled noisily (hear) along the quiet rough cemented pavement. Behind, his daughter, Durga, and son-in-law, Rijwan, were whispering furiously, clearly annoyed at having to fetch Grandpa Venga home for Hari Raya. With a disheartened sigh, Grandpa Venga took out his hearing aid.
Hands shivering, eyes blurred, nose running, ears blocked, Grandpa Venga’s eyes tried to scan the table for his cup of coffee. Gathering all his feeble strength, stretching his weak arms, his trembling fingers finally gripped the handle of the coffee cup. Trembling, he slowly managed to lift the cup off the table. Halfway to its target, strength deserting him, the cup dropped. The splash of coffee on the floor and the sound of shattering porcelain broke the cosy atmosphere at the dinner table.
At another sumptuous dinner, Grandpa Venga attempted to reach for the plate of vegetables across the table. Again, his hand trembled and he dropped the plate, scattering gravy and vegetable across the table. Rijwan, frustrated and annoyed, got up and left the table in a huff. Durga stared in dilemma, torn between her father and husband.
The family was chatting over dinner when they were interrupted by a loud fart. Soon, a pungent stench permeated the room. Having to hold their breath, tears soon welled up in their eyes.
After a week of disastrous dining experience with Grandpa Venga, Rijwan came up with the idea of a separate dinning table at the balcony for him. Grandpa Venga ate his dinner alone with only the cat to keep him company. His heart broke and tears started to fill his eyes when he reminisced about how Durga used to be a filial daughter.
Rijwan asked casually, resting his hand lovingly on Surya’s shoulder, “What’s that game you’re playing?”
“When I grow up, you and mum can eat here, little brother and I will eat inside,” Darshini explained clearly shocking her mother.
Surya reminded smilingly, “Dad, you must remember to wear your diapers!”
hi all, jus made a group on Facebook for our class. Please join at http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=142472747802
its me again ttc, heres a list of errors for you (3e3)obviously. If you are not 3e3 please reference me Teck Chee (Editing & Error Finding) And Javier (Essay)
Short-Form
Explanation needed?
*One day, Raja came back and looked very upset; he had gone to school to collect his exam results.
-> One day, Raja came back and looking upset, he had gone to school to collect his examination results.
Passive Voice
Change to Active Voicing
*He was not given a proper job because he was an Indian Tamil.
->He did not have a proper Job because he was an Indian Tamil.
* He was one of the many poor Indians who were brought by the British to work in tea plantations.
->The British brought him and many other poor Indians to work in the tea plantations in Sri Lanka.
* He was hardworking and honest but was not rich. He was not given a proper job because he was an indian tamil. His wife, Shanti and his hardworking and responsible 17 year old son, Raja. They were living in a small and overcrowded place and was not able to buy a decent house because he was not a citizen of Sri Lanka.
-> He did not have a proper Job because he was an Indian Tamil. His wife, Shanti and his hardworking and responsible 17-year-old son, Raja, lived in a small and overcrowded place. They were not able to buy a decent house because he was not a citizen of Sri Lanka.
Verb Change
Changes your language marks too
* This made it a disadvantage for the Indians.
->This made it disadvantageous for the Indians.
Timeline Confusion
“So you didn’t listen to Mrs Angela Lee AGAIN?”
* Raja tried hard to find a good university, but his results was only 3A's and 3B's and his Sinhalese was a B4, the universities that accepted him was the lousiest ones around, and it was quite far away from his current house.
-> Raja tried hard to find a good university, but his results was only 3A's and 3B's and his Sinhalese was a B4, the universities that accepted him were the lousiest ones around, and they were quite far away from his current house.
Usage of “But”
“No buts about it”
* He decided to disregard his studies and worked as a backbreaking but low-paying construction worker from day to night.
- backbreaking but low-paying construction worker?
-> He decided to disregard his studies to work as a backbreaking, low-paying construction worker from day to night.
Usage of “And” Type 2
Solution: Use a Comma; “Must resist…Temptation to put that word…”
* He decided to disregard his studies to work as a backbreaking and low-paying construction worker from day to night.
-> He decided to disregard his studies to work as a backbreaking, low-paying construction worker from day to night.
Fragments
“Did you just smash that diamond?”
* When the resettlement policy came out in 1950. They were forced to move from where they are staying to somewhere further inland, where lands were infertile and there was not much jobs available there.
-> When the resettlement policy came out in 1950. They were forced to move from where they are staying to somewhere further inland, where lands were infertile and there was not much jobs available there.
Usage of “Were”
“Were…were… werewolf!”
* They were forced to move from where they are staying to somewhere further inland, where lands were infertile and there was not much jobs available there.
-> The government pressurised them to move from where they are staying to somewhere further inland, where lands were infertile and there was not much jobs available there.
* He was one of the many who were killed that day.
-> He was one of the many who died that day.
Wordiness
“What format do you want to compress to?”
* The government pressurised them to move from where they were staying to somewhere further inland, where lands were infertile, there were little or no jobs available there.
-> The government pressurised them to move from their location to, somewhere further inland, where lands were infertile and there was not much jobs available there.
- Removing the comma in the above sentence will result a split infinitive.
Extra word
“I really mean it.”
* Within hours, Colombo had became a warzone.
-> Within hours, Colombo became a warzone.
Two Past Tenses
Avoid; “It’s like saying AVOIDED-ED”
*Within hours, Colombo had became a warzone.
-> Within hours, Colombo became a warzone.
Verb Use
“Talk Little MUCH?
* Raja tried to console her, but she looked dejected and would not talk much.
-> Raja tried to console her to no avail.
One Person One Subject
“One people Two nations let’s play mah-jong…”
*Raja had no choice but to get on with their lives.
->They had no choice but to get on with their lives
Reader Confusion + Passive Voice
“Delete, press delete!”
* They were only allowed to go into a good university if they get 250 for their exams.
Usage of “Am” In Dialogue
“WILL.I.AM HERE.I.AM”
*"It doesn't matter, as long as us Tamils stand together, even if I am sacrificed to get freedom for us, I will still do it," speaking in a low voice, Raja spoke as if that he was going to die.
->"It doesn't matter, as long as us Tamils stand together, even if I’m sacrificed to get freedom for us, I will still do it," speaking in a low voice, Raja spoke as if that he was going to die.
Make your Stand Clear
“Do It”
"It doesn't matter, as long as us Tamils stand together, even if I’m sacrificed to get freedom for us, I will still do it," speaking in a low voice, Raja spoke as if that he was going to die.
->"It doesn't matter, as long as us Tamils stand together, even if I’m sacrificed to get freedom for us, I will do it," speaking in a low voice, Raja spoke as if that he was going to die.
Redundancy
“Isn’t it the same?”
*When will the war will end? Who will win this war, The Tigers or the Government?
-> Who will win this war, The Tigers or the Government?
Define “It”
“It is here! “
* It has become a country that was fighting for each other because Sinhalese did not treat the Tamils well.
*Sri Lanka has become a country that was fighting for each other because Sinhalese did not treat the Tamils well.
Sentence Destroyer + Chance of getting run-on + Error and Error
“Judges in the movies these days…”
* They were taught to hate the Sinhalese and from then on, Sri Lanka was no longer the old Sri Lanka that was used to be Sri Lanka has become a country that was fighting for each other because Sinhalese did not treat the Tamils well.
-> From then on, Sri Lanka was no longer the Sri Lanka that used to be. Sri Lanka has become a country that was fighting for each other because Sinhalese did not treat the Tamils well.
Done By: Teo Teck Chee
t/e//o/t///e/c///k//c//h//e/e/24/at/h/o//t/m//a//i///l/./c/o/m/
Revised Essay Of: Javier Png Han Tiong
j//a/v////i/e/rs/-///1//4////at/ho/t/m/a//il/./c//o/m//
Remove '/' and change at to @
*Please “Reference” if used. Do Not Plagiarise.
Cheers
-Teck Chee
its me ttc, heres a list of errors for you (3e3)obviously. If you are not 3e3 please reference me Teck Chee (Editing & Error Finding) And Kelly (Essay)
“Neither, nor” Usage
Avoid having “Neither, nor” With Three Subjects or More
* As Agilan was neither born in Sri Lanka nor his father and grandfather was, The Ceylon Citizenship Act was unfair to Agilan
-> As Agilan, nor his father or his grandfather were born in Sri Lanka.
“Was” Usage
Avoid Using “Was” With A Verb
* In 1956, Sinhala was declared as the country’s official language under the Official Language Act.
-> In 1956, the Official Language Act declared Sinhala as the national language
* Tamils in the government service had to learn Sinhala within three years. If they did not, they would be dismissed.
-> Tamils in the government service had to learn Sinhala within three years. If they failed to comply, dismissal was imminent.
* Agilan’s brother, Amalan, was in the government sector. He was furious when Sinhala was declared as the country’s National Language.
-> Agilan’s brother, Amalan, was in the government sector. He was furious when Sinhala became the country’s National Language.
Derived Terms – Improper Noun Usage
Use the Correct Term
* They had lived and contributed significantly to the Sri Lanka economy but were denied basic rights such as voting.
->They had lived and contributed significantly to the Sri Lankan economy but were denied basic rights such as voting.
“Be” Usage
Avoid using “Be” With a Verb
* The Official Language Act upset them as well as the others because it was difficult to find jobs or be promoted.
-> The Official Language Act upset Agilan as well as the other Tamil Indians as it was difficult to find jobs or rise up the ladder.
““Lingering” Error” Type 1
You edit the second error and miss the first – What a Pity
* The Official Language Act upset them as well as the others because it was difficult to find jobs or be promoted.
-> The Official Language Act upset Agilan as well as the other Tamil Indians as it was difficult to find jobs or rise up the ladder.
Repeated Usage – “Why you use again?”
Chance to Widen Vocabulary Usage
*“Agilan, it isn’t fair right? We contributed significantly to the Sri Lankan economy and this is how they treat us! Come, come with me, our leader, Chelvanayakam, is leading some of us to do a peaceful demonstration against the Official Language Act in the afternoon,” exclaimed Amalan, fixing his gaze on Agilan.
->“Agilan, it isn’t fair right? We contributed considerably to the Sri Lankan economy and this is how they treat us! Come, come with me, our leader, Chelvanayakam, is leading some of us to do a peaceful demonstration against the Official Language Act in the afternoon,” exclaimed Amalan, fixing his gaze on Agilan.
Better Punctuation – “How dare you?” to “How dare you!”
Show your Indignation etc.
*“Agilan, it isn’t fair right? We contributed considerably to the Sri Lankan economy and this is how they treat us! Come, come with me, our leader, Chelvanayakam, is leading some of us to do a peaceful demonstration against the Official Language Act in the afternoon,” exclaimed Amalan, fixing his gaze on Agilan.
->“Agilan, it isn’t fair right? We contributed considerably to the Sri Lankan economy and this is how they treat us? Come, come with me, our leader, Chelvanayakam, is leading some of us to do a peaceful demonstration against the Official Language Act in the afternoon,” exclaimed Amalan, fixing his gaze on Agilan.
“But” Usage – “But here but there”
Drop “but(s)” or comma if Next to a “never”
*But never did he expect that it was the last time he would have seen his brother.
-> But, never did he expect that it was the last time he would have seen his brother.
-> Never did he expect that it was the last time he would have seen his brother.
“And” Usage – “And, and What?”
Mrs Angela Lee (CBSS), she told you [strikethrough] so [/strikethrough]
*“Agilan, the peaceful demonstration against the Official Language Act was disrupted by supporters of the Sinhala Language. It turned violent and over a hundred people were killed and your brother was one of them,” gasped Gunalan, who was Amalan’s colleague.
->“Agilan, the peaceful demonstration against the Official Language Act was disrupted by supporters of the Sinhala Language. Over a hundred people were killed, your brother was one of them,” gasped Gunalan, who was Amalan’s colleague.
The Dangerous Commas Dilemma – “Woo Scary”
*Attention Error Here* Check Your Work * Define ‘It’ *
*“Agilan, the peaceful demonstration against the Official Language Act was disrupted by supporters of the Sinhala Language. It turned violent and over a hundred people were killed and your brother was one of them,” gasped Gunalan, who was Amalan’s colleague.
** “Agilan, the peaceful demonstration against the Official Language Act was disrupted by supporters of the Sinhala Language. It turned violent, over a hundred people were killed, your brother was one of them,” gasped Gunalan, who was Amalan’s colleague.
- Did “It” turn violent?
- Did “Your brother” turn violent?
- Can be confusing to readers
->“Agilan, the peaceful demonstration against the Official Language Act was disrupted by supporters of the Sinhala Language. Over a hundred people were killed, your brother was one of them,” gasped Gunalan, who was Amalan’s colleague.
Legend
* Sentence with Error
** Sentence with Error 2
-> Corrected Sentence
Done By: Teo Teck Chee
t/e//o/t///e/c///k//c//h//e/e/24/at/h/o//t/m//a//i///l/./c/o/m/
Revised Essay Of: Wong Suet Yeng Kelly
ke//l/ly_///ws//y//1//9//9///4////at/h/ot///mai/l.c/o/m
Remove '/' and change at to @
*Please “Reference” if used. Do Not Plagiarise.
Document Format here
http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=f5974fe681d174df75a4fc82078ae6c86fb4520b0eaae97fce018c8114394287
have fun
-Teck Chee
hey here people .
well the links have been updated !
any more changes please let me know .
thank youu ,
MELdummie .
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Name: ______________ Class: ____________ Date: ______
Strategies for Conclusion
1. Quotation/Saying/Proverb
In his head rang the words from some old novel or film he had read or seen, and tears of self-admiration welled up in his eyes:
“It’s a far, far better thing I do now that I’ve done before!”
The Jilting of Mary by Goh Sin Tub
2. Hanging Conclusion
Thud. A dull sound. It came from the outside. She looked out the windows, heard it again – thud. She heard squeals. Thud, and once more – thud. And there was silence. She saw the man emerge from the shadows, wiping the spanner. Her heart froze. The baby cried. She sat down, blinded by the scream that filled her mind.
Release – Tan Mei Ching
3. Speech
Only Chris had a question, “Can Spotty die? Like Bunny?
Billy answered him for us, “If it’s God’s will. And Mummy says we must say yes to God’s will.”
Requiem for a Rabbit by Goh Sin Tub
4. Assertion/Reiteration
For a long time, Tai Poh did not reply. We reached the last station on the line. When he spoke, I could barely hear him. “What I told you is just a story,” he said, “it’s a hobby, a pastime. It isn’t real life.”
Pastime
5. Circular Ending (Repetition of the Introduction)
We got out first. As we walked away from the lift, I distinctively heard our neighbour’s girl whisper disapprovingly, “They’re sending their Grandma to a home.”
Home for Grandma by Goh Sin Tub
6. Reflection
it's US youu should be seeking permission from
unless strict business , please kindly leave .
before , WE MAKE YOUU LEAVE !
thank youu !
MR MOK BOON FOONG ; co-form teach' & maths
MRS LOH ; chemistry teach'
MRS ANGELA LEE ; english teach'
MR HERWANDY ; food and nutritions teach'
MISS MA SUCHUN ; principles of accounts teach'
MISS GAYATHRI ; food and nutritions teach'
MR RENE LOH ; physical ed teach'
WEEK 1 ; GROWTH DAY
WEEK 3 ; VIDEO / MOVIES
WEEK 5 ; TOTAL DEFENCE cum CROSS COUNTRY
WEEK 7 ; FESTIVE CELEBRATIONS
WEEK 9 ; HOBBIES
TERM 2
WEEK 1 ; GROWTH CAMP
WEEK 3 ; IN'TL FRIENDSHIP DAY / SPORTS MEET
TERM 3
WEEK 1 ; REFLECTIONS ON SA1
WEEK 3 ; CCA / COMPETITIONS
WEEK 5 ; RACIAL HARMONY
WEEK 7 ; PETS , ANIMALS , CONSERVATIONS
WEEK 9 ; NATIONAL DAY
Integrity Four 3E4 of '09
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huimin
joey oh
joey wong
kamilah
kailing
durga
kelly
darshini
keng teng
onthatile
ting mei
wendy
yan qin
A. surya
Andre
eric
javier
jiahui
jinlong
venga
rijwan
shi hao
teckchee
xun wei
yi xun
zhan phung
Rachael W.
lerkit
Jane
edmund
hongsum
Dominic.T
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